I go through so many emotions a day it hard to even know how I feel? We have all gone through this process step by step. Everyday we are all at the same step. One day we all just cried the whole day. One day we were numb, it seems like each day is somebodies turn to have the bad day. Yesterday we were all pissed off! It is hard to see people going about their normal day. I hated all those people last night getting gas that were happy and smiling. I bet their life was the same as last week. Every time I pull up to the hospital their is a new baby being put into a car to go home. I am jealous of those people. I am also jealous of all those old people in the hospital. They are so cute and old. My Mom won't be old like that. It isn't fair. But don't get me wrong, I know we chose this and I am OK with it, but I can be a little mad right?
Have you seen that commercial about the lady getting into the car from the back seat and then backing out of the driveway hitting the garbage can and the mailbox? It is a commercial about smoking and how she can't remember how to do normal things without a cigarette in her hands. That is how I feel. How do you fill up the truck with gas? I am a horrible driver because I am not really paying much attention. My attention span is 2 seconds. It is like I am in a shock. What is normal? Will there ever be normal again?
The best thing for me right now is to be with my family. We all feel better when we are all together. I love the text's and the phone calls. Thank you everyone. I carry my phone in hand just waiting to answer it and talk to somebody. I have realized just how great my support staff, aka friends, in Las Vegas are. I would give anything for a great big hug, but comments on my blog, phone calls and text's will have to do. Thank you everyone.
The Best Chocolate Cake Recipe
5 hours ago
9 comments:
Jill I'm so sorry! It's so hard to go through this! I can remember exactly what i was doing when i found out my Dad had cancer, and 5 months later when he died. It's such a hard process, and anger plays a huge roll because it's really not fair for a good person to have to go! Our prayers are with you! Just remember it IS ok to laugh sometimes- you have had great and funny times with her and don't want to forget those things because honestly- that's what helps you get through it!
I know I just commented a few minutes ago, but my heart is just so heavy for you! I have about a thousand memories rushing in my mind of what I felt when we found out- and then dealing witht he knowledge and knowing somehow we have to keep living! Cancer truely sucks- it has taken so many lives from mine and Darrell's family- but I can't imagine losing my Mom! OK_ I need to stop- this is not very uplifting! We love you!!
You have been on my mind a lot the last few days - it's definitely okay to be a little mad!! I'm sure it's comforting to all be together as a family right now to support each other. We're here to support you too if you need anything.
Let it all out Jill. Over and over again. You have the right to feel all of those emotions and you release comforting endorphins that help you get through this experience in a healthy way. It would be unhealthy to hold it in or try not to feel the pain and frustration, even jealousy. Ben's mom lost her husband to cancer when he was 66. That was 4 years ago and she said it doesn't get easier just because time goes by. You love your mom and you don't want her to go away so young. Of course you are going to miss her.
Jill, One thing that I know for sure is that you can make anyone's hospital stay fun, to the point that somtimes I miss it. Cancer does SUCK. You are so lucky to be there and spent time with your Mom. I don't know what to say. All that really helped me was the support that I recieved from friends and the family of those friends. The only thing that helped me get through so far is not to believe everything the Doc says. They don't know as much as we give them credit.
Remember laughter is the best medicine. One thing that helped me was to try and stay positive, its hard but it will make it easier to deal with the stress of cancer.
Tell your mom to play tricks on the nurses. It is alot of fun. This was the very best one that I played on the nurses, its a little morbid but super funny. When they come in the early morning to take your blood play dead, and when they are just about to touch you scream. You will give the nurse a huge scare and the nurses will talk about it for days. Once they are on your side you will be able to get anything that you want.
Jill,
I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. You can never be prepared for something like this. Try and stay postive. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Jill, hang in there.
Jill I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. My thoughts and prayers are with your family right now. Hang in there.
Jill and gang,
I wanted you all to know that I love you. I hope you liked the enchiladas, although the salad was probably a little soggy, I should have put the dressing on the side. Oops! I keep up on the blog for all of the Noorda Mafia, this is such a great thing to have. I started to tell your Dad this but he had to hurry to help your mom with something, I would like to schedule a "My life story", interview for your mom. There is a lady at the Huntsman Cancer Hospital who does interviews and then makes C.D's out of them. She asks questions like where she grew up, any childhood memories, where she met your dad, about you kids and the grandkids. It is such a wonderful gift to have. To beable to listen to my dad's voice whenever I want to, is so peaceful. It has been a wonderful gift for the kids to listen to their Grandpas advice of what they should do in their lives. If you would like this would you please call me and I will call the lady so she can call you and make a time and date. My number is 253-4761. Also, you all talk about your emotions, all I can say is don't be afraid to be mad. Let it out. I didn't for a long time, and it caused some major anxiety. You all have every right to be mad. Remeber above everything how much your Heavenly Father loves you all!! He only gives us what we can handle, and by darn he know how tough you Noorda kids are!! All my love!
Michelle Muhlestein
Post a Comment