You see, I have this battle raging inside me. Something I don't know that many of you will understand. If you want to just stop reading now, I understand, this is mostly just getting my thoughts out of my head.
A few months after my Mom died, I realized I was a mess. I decided I didn't need to suffer, so I went to visit the PA, Angie. (I won't give you her number, because you go in for one thing and leave with several serious things. Not me, I didn't give in to her persistence on many tests.) As she walked into the room, I was already in tears. Not just cry at church tears, but uncontrollable, can't talk tears. See, I was a mess. We talked about a lot of stuff and she recommended therapy and medication. I felt much better.
Now, I feel like the medication is only making things worse. I am feeling the side effects. I mostly hate that I don't really have much emotion to things. It's probably time to go off. But here is the problem. I am scared to death. What if I'm not better? I can understand the feeling of addicts I guess. Angie suggested we wait until Spring when the weather is good, and then slowly reduce. I am slowly reducing. I am scared.
Summertime Sweets
6 days ago
7 comments:
I'm scared too. My therapist retired and now I have to find a new one. That scares me. Just keep on top of things. Watch your changes and just keep trying new things. New meds and new therapies are always available. Second opinions are always good too. Your Ob-gyn is good to talk to about this stuff too. Never give up! Hugs sent your way!
We are here for you! And, it's ok to cry....if you reduce your medicine and you still cry, it's ok. Troy and I cry all the time. I know this doesn't help but it is ok to cry and you can call us anytime...day or night!
As you go off, just keep in mind that the symptoms will come back....eventually. The meds just help you cope with them. Hang in there. I still cry every day. A lot. A lot lot. But it's okay, cause I'm crazy.
Once a long time ago I felt just like you. I sought a counselor (I like this term better than therapist. It makes me feel less crazy) He had the best advice. I gave up the meds. And took his advice. It has worked. SOmetimes I feel the dark cloud coming and I repeat his instructions.
You can do it too. If you want the words of wisdom he gave me. Just call. 801-618-5874, 801-254-2007. It's just too detailed to type.
We all go through times in our life when it just seems to control us. You can do it. I know you can. Tears are always good, no matter what.
I'm no expect in this area but my thoughts would be this: which is worse to deal with, the side effects or the emotions? I agree with what everyone has said above though. I think if you slowly reduce your meds, you can keep your emotions in check and watch for signs.
You've had a hard hand dealt to you the past year- loosing a mom, and a close friend- along with being a wife and a mom- life diesn't stop long enough to let you recover! I agree with what everyone else has said- tapering off the meds- but watching to make sure you are still doing ok. I still cry and my Dad died almost 5 years ago- it just isn't quite as frequent.
Some advice I was given from a dr was to make sure you give yourself time to grieve, and do it- when you are sad- let yourself REALLY cry- don't try and make yourself stop, this helped me quite a bit. It seemed everytime I cried I was in my mind telling myself I shouldn't be crying and I needed to stop. There were other things- but they have already been said by others in their comments. My heart goes out to you Jill- it's hard! Just know you have friends who care and pray for you- keep talking to people about it, cause you for sure are not alone!
Love ya!
Jill- It does get better as time goes on. Maybe not for awhile- a long while but it does get better. I love you, Jackie
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