I think I have always been a worry wart. Not the kind that is superstitious or anything, but just afraid of a lot of things. It runs in my family. My Mom had an ulcer at 7. I think my sisters are the same way. I think it is getting worse. Some nights I lay awake at night worrying, all night. About crazy things. In the morning I always wonder why? It isn't as bad in the day. I lay there and think about falling off my bike, or that my kids get hit by a car or drown. I know. It's crazy. But then there are these real fears, not the crazy, invent at night fears. The ones that scare me in the day. It is so much worse lately. It must just be a phase. I figure maybe if I write them down they won't look so scary.
Things I worry about:
- Cancer-That I am going to get it and leave my family too soon.
- I'm not as righteous as I think I am. What if I get up there and the Lord says, Sorry.
- I'm not a good enough wife and mother.
- My Dad
- My Siblings
- My Mom is disappointed in me.
- Something will happen to Aaron.
- I look too much into a conversation and worry that there is way more to it.
- Dinner
- I haven't given my kids the opportunities they deserve.
- The way I treat my kids today will effect them for bad not good.
- That my big mouth offends people and I don't know it.
See. I am a freak. I have to stop because my heart is pounding just writing this list, plus I could go on and on. No need to tell me that I am a freak, I know it. Maybe just that I am normal. Do you all worry too? Like this?
14 comments:
I think it is a mom thing - I worry all the time too. I'm a control freak and I am always worried about the things that are out of my control. Your not a freak, your just a caring person!
Funny, I worry about pretty much all the same things. I guess it does run in the family. I totally worry that mom is up there just shaking her head at me in disappointment. I'm sure she's not aiming that at you, though. You were always the favorite. ;)
And as far as worrying about the big mouth offending people, I know mine does. But I can't help it. If I try and filter myself, people take me as being a bitch. I'd rather offend with humor than bitchiness, I guess.
You're doing a great job. You have great kids, you have a great life, and we all love each other. What more could you ask for?
You're not a freak at all. You are perfectly normal. I do the same thing at night....maybe it's a girl thing. You're an awesome wife and mother and I know your mom is so proud of you!
Well, if you are abnormal, we probably need to redefine "normal". I am not sure I know anyone who doesn't worry about those things (well, I know a couple, and they are not the type I like to be around- they don't really care about anything). Here's the top one on my all-consuming worry list: I am about to have the 30th grandchild (on Aaron's side). What are the odds of having 30 healthy grandkids? All have been healthy so far, so what does that do to the odds of mine being healthy? Aaron thinks I am nuts, but I have taken statistics...
I worry about the same things! And I know for a fact that your mom is so proud of you. I am pretty sure she is proud of all of us. Don't be so hard on yourself and it's ok to worry. We all do it, it's a normal thing.
I think you're totally normal. I think everyone does that. I worry about all of those same things and more too! Maybe it's a woman thing or a mother thing or an age thing. I like to consider it the result of being responsible and a mother and a girl! It's rough, but at least we get to have the babies!!! I can't picture your mom being disappointed in any of you. If anything, I bet she's worried that you are worried about it and she can't tell you! I am sure she is proud at how you all have come out of this stronger and closer than you could have imagined. All any of us can do is...our best. So, just keep doing your best like I know you are! Love to all of you as you approach this next "first"
I'm glad I'm not alone... That means I'm not a freak!
Sounds like you've discovered your not alone in your worries. Sometimes mine get so bad I almost can't function.
I always try to think..If I don't have any control over it I should try not to worry and let whatever the lords will be. Easier said than done for sure. But at least trying helps the worry lessen sometimes.
Jill---
You are seriously one of the most amazing, incredible women that I know!!! I just want you to know that I truly do admire you! And be proud of yourself--- at least you are on a bike and have the opportunity to fall off! Some of the rest of us are just on our lazy BUTTS!!!! Jackie
I swear I am the biggest worry wart around- anything that can worry me, does! I DAILY have to remind myself to life life by faith not fear- and I totally hear you on the worry of me getting cancer!
It must run in our family 'cause I have the same worries!
Hey Jill! I know right! I am the same. I worry about everyting. I think I learned it from my parents. I try real hard not to worry but worry often wins. I just try to remember something a wise friend told me once, "Sherrie if endless worrying was healthy don't you think they would teach self help classes on how to worry more efficiently." Just remember you are an amazing person and I think you completely rock!
I thought I was the crazy one thinking all those things. I'm very surprised that I don't have an ulcer yet and I just started raising my kids. I'm glad to hear I have company.
Now I'm more worried by reading this post! I already had worries and now with your list I've thought of some more!
We all worry, I think it's inevitable as wives and mothers. And when something tragic or bad happens to a loved one or friend, we worry that the same thing will happen to us. You are completely normal in your worrying and know that you're not alone - we all do it. And maybe sometimes worrying can be a good thing - it makes us change and make better decisions for our families and take better care of ourselves! The rest is in the Lord's hands.
You're awesome Jill :)
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